I'm so ashamed,
I'm so relieved.
It was more than I could handle,
You really must believe.
I swore I'd never do that,
Yet there I was again,
An infiltrate, a traitor,
Of my own best friend.
In my heart I knew,
I should have said something;
I should have spoken up.
But I wondered what they'd think...
Even though it's all back to normal,
I can't help but feel the guilt.
If she ever plotted against me like that,
How would I have felt?
Are they as guilty as me now?
Or are they selfishly sad?
Did they get what they wanted?
That thought makes me so mad...
Am I alone in this empathy?
I'd sooner die for them,
Than sacrifice for self-comfort.
I'd rather be condemned.
I thought I was doing the right thing,
And now I'm thinking twice.
Yet one thing I've learned over the years,
Is that it doesn't pay off to be nice.
So why don't I stop and think about myself?
Just once to watch their sadness,
And not curl up in a little ball,
To be sent away for madness...